I’m not entirely sure how to start this, but I’ll do my best to put this in a way which doesn’t at all sounds ridiculous and/or incredibly self absorbed. I have been wanting to start a wordpress for about a year, but due to the fact that I have about five fully functioning blogs, I wasn’t entirely sure what this one would mean. My tumblr is generally exclusively a Glee blog, television blog, and a pretty, pretty pictures blog. My Livejournal has been neglected over a lengthy period of time, by which means I’m not entirely sure I can resuscitate. And my Listography, last.fm, etc, etc were whimsical decisions on my part, and have rarely been used. I want this to be a place about me. About who I am, about what I want. About inspiration, about feeling and essentially a place where I can express myself without bulking up the courage to speak the words aloud.
It’s silly really. These past few days have been the biggest emotional rollercoaster of my life, and if you had told me five days ago that I would be sitting here resembling some kind of hope, I would have burst into hysterics in your face. I have cried, my God have I cried, but now is the time to stop crying. I’m on a path that I have always wanted to be on, now. One that I hope leads to happiness with a certain person that shall remain nameless. One thing I have realised in the past week is that I need to find myself again. I have become a shell of myself, a mere shadow on who I imagined I would be. When I was eighteen, I looked at the world with rose coloured glasses, and now that I have grown up, I have matured, but I don’t want to lose that optimism. I have become negative, so, so negative and I want myself back again. I want the person who would get ridiculously excited over nothing in particular than something really small happening. I want to look forward to things with a sense of pride that I accomplished them, instead of dread. I want to fix myself, make myself into the person I know I want to be.
And I’ll get there. One small step at a time.
Signing off because, you know, baby steps,